


Danganronpa: Group Chat Havoc

by RagingDumbass (ramen_oof)



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Breaking the Fourth Wall, Multi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shenanigans, Spoilers, attempted comedy, chatfic, general bullshit, nicknames are very stupid, no discernable plot, reader just floats between different classes, shitpost, spoilery jokes, the reader is there too cuz why not, this is really just me shitposting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26395906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramen_oof/pseuds/RagingDumbass
Summary: y/n makes a chatroom thing for the different classes. this is just the bullshit that ensues.!!THIS CONTAINS SPOILERY JOKES FOR ALL 3 GAMES!!
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	1. (77) beginning to the end of one's sanity: electric boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> intros part 2 aka sdr2 group chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thot destroyer 2: you  
> bath water: chiaki  
> simp: kazuichi  
> monster fucker: sonia  
> not a furry: gundham  
> food porn: teruteru  
> carnivore: akane  
> salt mine: hajime  
> jojo reference: nekomaru  
> chihuahua: fuyuhiko  
> samurai jack: peko  
> crackhead: ibuki  
> cringe comp: mahiru  
> obligatory fanservice: mikan  
> jailbait: hiyoko  
> 404notfound: impostor  
> hoepe: nagito

(y/n) added Chiaki Nanami, Kazuichi Soda, plus 14 others.

(y/n) named chat 77th group of dumbasses

(y/n) changed nickname to thot destroyer 2

(y/n) mass changed chat population’s nicknames.

thot destroyer 2: HERE WE GO PART 2 OF INTRODUCTIONS.

bath water: ooo it’s like a discord server for the class

thot destroyer 2: sort of. based on discord, but not quite the same.

bath water: ah okie donk

simp: what does that even mean lmao  
wait WHAT  
IM NOT A SIMP FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME

thot destroyer 2: you in the simulation says otherwise.

simp: fuck offnfjfjnf

monster fucker: Oh my?  
Hold on a second, this name.  
Why is this my nickname here?

thot destroyer 2: you’re a monster fucker.  
admit it.  
you watched venom and you wouldn’t shut up about him tongue.

bath water: lmao soda’s taking notes

simp: NANAMI  
IF THATS YOU IM GONNA BEAT YOU WITH A WRENCH

bath water: not if i pull an epic gamer move and 360 no scope you

thot destroyer: soda, you got the teeth of a monster, so you’re half way there (:

furry: I see the dark forces have also gotten to Nevermind’s tastes, I see.  
WAIT WHY AM I A FURRY  
IM NOT A FURRY GODDAMNIT  
IM THE OVERLORD OF ICEEEE

thot destroyer changed furry’s nickname to not a furry

not a furry: Oh for the love of all that is unholy, I shall curse your bloodline so they will wish you never passed on your weak genes.

thot destroyer: uno reverse card

food porn: lmaoooo someone pissed off gundham.  
wait  
my name...

carnivore: reading that name just makes me hungry.

food porn: it’s perfect✨

carnivore: also i’m guessing that’s teriyaki or whatever his name is

food porn: MY NAME IS TERUTERU HANAMURA THANK YOU VERY MUCH

salt mine: can’t remember names for shit must mean carnivore is owari.  
also wtf is my name.

thot destroyer: you’re a tsundere, so you’re a salt mine. go digging inside your body and you’ll find some lovely salt deposits to put on some fresh steak.

salt mine: yeah ok, you’re not wrong.

carnivore: MM STEAK

jojo reference: OWARI HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING UP ON YOUR TRAINING

salt mine: and that there is nidai

jojo reference: AND WHO MIGHT YOU BE SALT MINE.

salt mine: hinata

jojo reference: AH OK MAKES SENSE

carnivore: YES I HAVE COACH. I WAS JUST GETTING HUNGRY BUT I WAS ABOUT TO GET BACK TO TRAINING

jojo reference: YOU CANT STOP EVERY TIME YOU WANT TO EAT. YOURE ALWAYS HUNGRYYYY

carnivore: lol yeah

jojo reference: IF YOU EVER WANNA BE ABLE TO DEFEAT ME, YOU GOTTA KEEP TRAINNNIJNNGGGG

carnivore: YEESSSS COACCHHH

boss baby: holy shit shut the fuck up i can hear you guys all the way from my dorm  
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NAME  
WHOS RESPONSIBLE

salt mine: and that’s fuyuhiko.  
also it’s (y/n) that set all these names.

boss baby: CHANGE MY NAME RIGHT NOW OR I WILL SHANK YOU Y/N

thot destroyer: guess i’m gonna fistfight a child cuz i ain’t changing shit

samurai jack: (Y/n), please stop. Fuyuhiko is pretty much screaming right now.

thot destroyer 2: lol sorry peko.  
for your sanity i’ll change it.

thot destroyer 2 changed boss baby’s nickname to chihuahua

chihuahua: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WILL FUCKING STAB YOU Y/N

thot destroyer: at least it’s not about the baby face anymore

salt mine: LMAO

thot destroyer 2: better lock my door then

crackhead: damn y’all are blowing up ibuki’s phone rn  
oooh who’s who?!  
ibuki loves guessing games!!

cringe comp: Why do you speak in 3rd person?...

thot destroyer 2: it’s in the name

cringe comp: Right.

obligatory fanservice: it’s not goodd to do ccrackk

jailbait: EW IS THAT THE PIG BARF  
WHY DOES SHE STUTTER IN MESSAGES TOO

obligatory fanservice: w why is this my nameeee

thot destroyer 2: for obvious reasons. you deserve much better, don’t come at me hiyoko

jailbait: who the actual hell set these stupid ass names?! i’m not that goddamn short anymore!!

cringe comp: Would someone care to explain my name?

crackhead: because you took a photo of soda in cat ears and said "that one’s in my cringe comp"!  
ibuki still wants the photo by the way >:3c

cringe comp: Wh

thot destroyer 2: @simp EXPLAIN

not a furry: For what godforsaken reason does Soda have cat ears for?

simp: I LOST A BET TO KOMAEDA.  
we made some stupid bet and the loser had to wear cat ears for the day.

monster fucker: What on earth was this bet???

simp: see if i could get imp to break character in public  
imp refuses to yeild.  
nagito bet i couldn’t do it while i said i could...

404notfound: i literally *live* like that dumbass. of course i’m not gonna break character in front of anyone who doesn’t know i’m not who i say i am.

simp: YOU WERE IN ON IT WITH KOMAEDA TOO  
I SWEAR YOU WERE

hoepe: Nope!  
I just got lucky as usual (:

404notfound: see. no cahoots

crackhead: ibuki will always believe imposter!! （＾Ｏ＾☆♪

simp: GODDAMNIT  
also of course that’s nagito’s name lmaoo

hoepe: Anyway, I don’t deserve to have won that bet! I cursed an ultimate to he humiliated.  
I don’t deserve to be in this group chat with all the ultimates! A lowly creature like me should not be able to communicate with such hopeful beings!!

salt mine: shut

simp: up

bath water: about

thot destroyer 2: hope.

hoepe: mnxnnnnnnbxbbbbxbbbbbbxxbxbbbbbxbxbxbxbbbnxnxnbxbx

samurai jack: he’s no different from the simulation... mention hope and he’s gone.

crackhead: komaeda broke ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

cringe comp: Ibuki, I’ll send you that picture later. Remind me again so I don’t forget.

jailbait: Ooh send it to me too! something like that must be so humiliating heehee

simp: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

obligatory fanservice: iii’ll go and mmmake sure kkomaeda’s ok

salt mine: please make sure he’s actually conscious. he does weird things sometimes...

404notfound: he’s just weird lmao

thot destroyer 2: people have their reasons tho.  
anyway  
i’m gonna go eat some shredded cheese.  
smell you later hoes.

samurai jack: I recommend staying in your room because Fuyuhiko is looking for you.

thot destroyer 2: ah yes, fair point.  
i’d better lock my door and set up some cookie traps

chihuahua: ANSNNNDBBSSASSAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I FUCKING HATE YOU

thot destroyer 2: understandable, have a great day.  
peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i fricken died for a bit there lol


	2. (78) beginning to the end of one's sanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> class 78 gets put into the chatroom and find out their stupid nicknames.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (nov 10th 2020) ok so i updated this so it's consistent with the other two introductions and just changed it so it doesn't feel so rushed.

(y/n) added Makoto Naegi, Byakuya Togami, and 14 others to new chat

(y/n) set chat name to hoe's peak class 78

(y/n) changed nickname to thot destroyer

(y/n) mass changed chat population’s nicknames

thot destroyer: welcome cretins.

Legs left.

thot destroyer: not for long bitch.

egg boy: What is this?

thot destroyer: new server for the class i made. we can message each other n shit here :)

thot destroyer added Legs.

Legs left the chat

thot destroyer added Legs

Legs left the chat

thot destroyer added Legs

Legs: Stop adding me to this stupid chat. I don’t want anything to do with you common folk.

thot destroyer: too bad bitch

Legs: And what the hell is with this ridiculous name? Why is my name ‘legs’, and what the hell is a thot, since you seem to destroy them.

thot destroyer: 1) cuz you’re like 61% leg. people have done the math.  
2) you. you’re the thot.

egg boy: Okay, no need for a fight;;;

Legs: Quiet, Naegi.

knife kink: WHY WOULD YOU CALL MASTER A THOT??!

thot destroyer: because he is one.  
girl, you’re simping after a thot.  
i’d drop that crusade if i were you.

Legs: We’ve been in the same class for less than 3 days and I hate all of you.

butter corn: stfu u fuckin hate everyone. that was clearly shown in that stupid ass simulation thing we did.

Legs: Correct.

Legs left the chat.

thot destroyer: @actual child when i add Byak back in, can you make it so he doesn’t have the option to leave the chat?

actual child: yeah i can do that :)  
i was actually already writing some code to keep him in

thot destroyer added Legs.

knife kink: NOOOO, THATs AGAINST MASTER’S WILLL!!

actually baby: ok, done!

thot destroyer: thanks chihiro :))))

actually baby: wait, why is this my name?

thot destroyer: cuz you’re baby, now don’t ask questions.  
now  
i told you byakuya, i’d destroy all thots.  
and you, the thot, can consider yourself destroyed.

Legs: I hate you so much.

thot destroyer: cool.  
NO ONE CAN HATE YOU MORE THAN YOU ALREADY HATE YOURSELF.

Legs: bet.

weed dealer: lmaooo y’all wild  
wait  
i’ve told y’all i don’t do weed.

karen: Is that Hagakure?!

weed dealer: ye man

karen: Hagakure, you know that smoking weed is illegal!

weed dealer: dude  
chill  
we’re fictional.  
at least i am.  
i think

karen: What???

thot destroyer: lmao yeah he’s right.

karen: Also what is with my name being Karen? I’m not a woman, and my name is Ishimaru Kiyotaka!

thot destroyer: lmao karen

butter corn: listen, i know he can be dramatic about rules, but he deserves a bit more respect than to be called karen

karen: THANK YOU!  
Wait. Mondo?  
Your name.  
Really??  
I understand that it wasn’t real and was just a game, but still…  
That left a bad taste in my mouth...

butter corn: I DIDN’T SET THE NAME  
(Y/N) CHANGE MY FUCKING NAME.  
I HATE BUTTER.

thot destroyer: okokokok

thot destoyer changed butter corn’s nickname to corn bread

corn bread: oh fuck this shit.

karen: I really don’t think I’m gonna look at butter the same again for a while.

corn bread: me neither

egg boy: Yokes...

actual child: lmao egg yolk

jimmy neutron: ooo that talk of nick names has me curious about mine!!  
wHAT?  
why jimmy neutron?? D:

thot destroyer: it’s cuz your bun looks like jimmy neutron’s hair

jimmy neutron: aww, but i wanted a cute nickname :(((

thot destroyer: no one here has a cute nickname.

jimmy neutron: but egg boy’s kind of a cute nickname?  
actually, who even is egg boy?

egg boy: It’s Makoto :)

thot destroyer: nah-EGG-i

jimmy neutron: oooohhh i see

baseballn’t: k now i wanna know mine lmao  
bruh.

thot destroyer: leon you said you don’t like baseball, so  
baseballn’t :)

baseballn’t: i hate you.

protein shrek: I don’t get my nickname.

thot destroyer: sakura ogami the ogre > ogre > shrek  
shrek also sounds a bit like shake, and what do you love? protein shakes.  
so: protein shrek.  
big brain.

protein shrek: There’s too much going on for that joke to be funny.

jimmy neutron: now i’m just thinking of buff shrek.

weed man: cursed thought.

thot destroyer: lmaooo  
never said i was funny  
i just think i am

actually baby: what happened to fukawa?  
she just disappeared?

knife kink: I refuse to speak here if Master is going to be held against his will!

cup ramen: I believe he holds the same sentiments.  
Namely with you present here.

knife kink: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

cup ramen: Also  
(Y/N) can I have a different nickname?  
That ramen on my head was… embarrassing.

thot destroyer: no.  
just be glad i didn’t name you bacon hands.

cup ramen: …  
Very well.

thot destroyer: nah jk i wouldn’t do that to ya :)  
but your name is fine.  
no changes.

egg boy: Kirigiri, if it makes you feel any better, I thought it was kind of cute that you had ramen on your head that one time :)

jimmy neutron: lololol kirigiri’s blushing

cup ramen: AOI

goth crocs: Ooh, is Kirigiri’s cold shell finally being cracked?  
…

weed man: a cold chill just ran down my spine

protein shrek: I sense an almost bottomless rage all of a sudden.

baseballn’t: lol (y/n)’s fucked.

goth crocs: WHO SET THIS ACCURSED NAME

egg boy: (Y/N)

jimmy neutron: (y/n)

Legs: (Y/N).

cup ramen: (Y/N)

knife kink: That (Y/N)…

karen: (Y/N) set them.

corn bread: (y/n)

baseballn’t: (y/n)

thot destroyer: shout out to sakura, chihiro and hiro for not selling me out.

goth crocs: I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL REIGN DOWN THE FURY OF A THOUSAND SUNS AND BURN YOU JUST WAS I WAS BURNT.  
I WILL WIPE YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE FROM THIS EARTH.  
IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE LAWS OF THIS LAND I WOULD HAVE SLAUGHTERED YOU.  
IF I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU IN THE SIMULATION, I WOULD HAVE KILLED YOU ONCE, AND THEN AGAIN.

thot destroyer: i make a mean tea.

goth crocs: I shall be the judge of that.  
Make the perfect tea to my standards and I shall let you live another day.

hentai: HOW DID THAT WORK IN GETTING MS YASUHIRO TO CALM DOWN?

goth crocs: MY NAME IS CELESTIA LUDENBURG

weed man: you forgot the goddamnit lol

goth crocs: Shut it.

hentai: ALSO  
I MAKE DOUJINSHIS, NOT HENTAI!

knife kink: FANFICITON ISN’T LITERATURE

hentai: AND TWILIGHT ISN’T LITERATURE

knife kink: TAKE  
IT  
BACK

hentai: and neither is fifty shades of grey.

knife kink: AAAADFAFAFSASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

generic waifu: there is so much going on here.

protein shrek: Just go with it.

generic waifu: hold on, can some one explain my name?

thot destroyer: makoto had a crush on you in middle school, and he says that all of his tastes are generic, so generic waifu.

egg boy: Hey!

Legs: He what

cup ramen: He what

kebab: he what

generic waifu: oh ok  
makes sense.

goth crocs: I’m just wondering why it was Togami and Kirigiri that were confused by the crush.  
And Ikusaba I believe. 

kebab: HEY WAIT  
WHATS WITH THIS STUPID NAME

junkfood: not a bad name. 

thot destroyer: ah, there’s the despair hoe herself. 

kebab: you’re so mean to me, junko… 

junkfood: lmao whatever.  
ANYway  
how did y’all like my little bonding exercise >:3c

egg boy: That was… something else. 

Legs: Terrible. 

jimmy neutron: i know it was an initiation thing for the class, but who let junko take control of it?

knife kink: jjJust as Master s-says. TERRIBLE!

cup ramen: Never leave Junko in charge of anything ever again. 

weed man: hated it.

thot destroyer: lol idk i frickin died. 

junkfood: so it was GREAT then!  
A major success!!  
i’m swo hwappy úwù

egg boy: You certainly have a thing for despair…

junkfood: Maybe I should just end the world as we know it so you guys can all feel the amazing feeling of despair!!~

cup ramen: Hell no. 

thot destroyer muted junkfood. No horniness for despair allowed.

thot destroyer: thot destroyed.

Legs: This is the one time I’ll ever say it.  
Thanks.

thot destroyer: we’ll have to keep an eye on the troll.

kebab: don’t worry, I’ll do something if she does something out of line. 

thot destroyer: ALRIGHT. REGULAR JUNKO INTERACTION COMPLETED.  
NOW ENDING CHAPTER. 

kebab: ???

thot destroyer: peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y/n is the Bullshit Circus Ringmaster.  
> ok anyway, i can do some requests if ya stick 'em in them comments.


	3. (79) beginning to the end of one's sanity: stardust crusaders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y/n: thot destroyer 3  
> shuichi: emo boy  
> kaede: billy joel  
> rantaro: thicctaro  
> kaito: star man  
> kokichi: pisslord  
> gonta: bugg  
> kiibo: thottimus prime  
> himiko: the elder mage  
> maki: sushi  
> miu: horny jail  
> korekiyo: kork  
> tenko: seesaw  
> angie: bob ross  
> ryoma: shortstack  
> kirumi: mom  
> tsumugi: weeb

(y/n) added Angie Yonaga, Shuichi Saihara and 14 others to a new chat.

(y/n) mass changed chat population’s nicknames.

thot destroyer 3: we are now fictional in another piece of media. have fun.

emo boy: for god’s sake i’m still not over that ending... i know that game was meant to be like an initiation thing to bring our class together or something, but still.  
what the heck tsumugi

weeb: Heheh, sorry... :(；ﾞﾟ'ωﾟ'):  
It was Junko’s idea for that ending.

emo boy: of course it was...  
she’s honestly more like the ultimate troll than fashionista...  
all that crap about despair... i’m glad she didn’t actually end the world...

thot destroyer 3: damn, all those dot dot dots makes me feel the sigh from the other side of my phone.

emo boy: sorry...

piss lord: DID SOMEONE MENTION THE ULTIMATE TROLL??  
BECAUSE THAT’S ME ☆♪

emo boy: and there’s ouma..

weeb: No, you’re the ultimate supreme leader.  
Although I honestly think it’s more like the ultimate liar...

thot destroyer 3: damn what a big epic funny troll bruh moment roast

weeb: Blame the author for the shit roasts.

thot destroyer 3: yeah ok fair they’re bad at roasting lmao

pisslord: the fuck are u two on about?  
ANYway  
SOMEONE CARE TO EXPLAIN MY NAME?

thot destroyer 3: it’s a reference to something rather infamous involving you and piss.

pisslord: ok u know what  
i don’t wanna know  
damn it’s boring in here with only u three sad sacks.  
where’s that robot  
he’s fun to make fun of

robophobic: THAT’S ROBOPHOBIC  
THIS NAME IS ROBOPHOBIC

thot destroyer 3: of course the first thing he screams about is robophobia in here  
also why does a robot have a phone.

robophobic: Y/N AND OUMA YOU ARE BOTH ROBOPHOBES  
I AM A PROUD ROBOT AND DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE THIS NAME RIGHT NOW.

thot destroyer 3: stop screaming first lmao

thot destroyer 3 set robophobic’s nickname to thottimus prime

thottimus prime: ...  
I do not get it.

pisslord: well shit  
i guess keeb’s getting destroyed now.

thottimus prime: WHAT?!

billy joel: You lot certainly talk a lot...  
Wait, what’s with my nickname?

thot destroyer 3: SING US A SONG YOURE THE PIANO MAN

billy joel: What??;;;

pisslord: for a song about a guy playing piano, that harmonica really does not shut up

horny jail: FUCKIN HELL IM TRYNNA INVENT SHIT BUT I CANT DO JACK WITH YALL BLOWIN UP MY PHONE

sushi: I second that.

weeb: Eheh, sorry.  
New group chats are always like this..

sushi: Wait  
Who set these names?

pisslord: y/n did (:

star man: SHIT WHO PISSED OFF MAKI  
I CANT SEE HER EYES ANYMORE  
SHES GONE INTO KILLING MODE

billy joel: Oh no... (Y/N), lock your doors where ever you are.

emo boy: that’s not gonna stop her

thot destroyer 3: shit fuck  
mOM  
@mom  
@mom  
@mom

mom: Please only tag me once.  
You do not need to repeatedly spam me.  
What do you need?

thot destroyer 3: PROTECT ME PLS  
MAKI IS GONNA KILL ME

mom: Very well.  
I shall guard your door.

thot destroyer 3: THANKS

emo boy: ngl, i’m kinda surprised iruma didn’t say anything about her nickname.

horny jail: FUCK I JUST SAW  
Y/N YOU FUCK  
FUCK YOU.

thot destroyer 3: you are sentenced to horny jail.

thot destroyer 3 censored curse words from horny jail.

horny jail: F*************CKKKK

bob ross: you clearly need Atua...

horny jail: AND (Y/N) NEEDS TO THROW THESE HANDS.

the elder mage: ooooh is this a fight?  
i’ve defeated thousands with my all powerful magic

seesaw: I’m sure you have Himiko!!

weeb: and in order of appearance: Angie, Himiko, and Tenko.

bugg: gonta thougghbt buzzing phone was bug..  
it just friends.  
hellonfriends:)

billy joel: Hello Gonta :D

star man: Ok let’s not forget that Maki roll currently has (y/n) on her shit list.

bugg: whta?!!  
who is star mann ??

star man: It’s Kaito!  
BUT  
MAKI  
PLEASE CALM DOWN  
PLEASE  
I WANNA CUDDLE

mom: Ah, Kaito would definitely be able to get Maki to calm down.

sushi: really?

star man: YEA  
PLS COME HERE BB

mom: Can confirm that Maki has returned to her normal state. She wasn’t far away.

thot destroyer 3: FUCK  
kaito, kirumi you both saved my life

mom: You are welcome, (Y/N).

billy joel: Well that was quite the experience...

seesaw: Himiko!!!!  
Can I have a cuddle? (*´∇｀*)

the elder mage: nah sorry i’m busy trying to practice this one spell.

pisslord: REJECTED.

the elder mage: maybe later tho.

emo boy: or not.

pisslord: Shumaiii~  
Would you give lil ole me a cuddle?  
_(:3 」∠)_

emo boy: no.

pisslord:

thot destroyer 3: YIKE

bugg: KOKICHI  
GONtA WILL GIVE HUG

pisslord: i’m good

bugg: :((((((

billy joel: Gonta, please don’t be sad. I’ll give you a hug!

bugg: :))))))

kork: Humanity is beautiful but this group chat is a mess.

seesaw: you’re one to talk, degenerate.

thicctaro: ok he’s not actually like that irl  
right korekiyo?

kork: Kuhuhu, your name, Amami

thicctaro: oh.  
so (y/n) was the one that set these names, right?

thot destroyer 3: correctomundo

thicctaro: maybe i’ll bop you on the head with a shot put ball

thot destroyer 3: ffs another death threat

thicctaro: i’m joking lol  
nah ur right my ass is kinda phat.  
spectator mode in the simulation definitely made me realize.

thot destroyer 3: Hkznnznn  
good to know

bob ross: It is good to love yourself :)  
Also, Korekiyo you didn’t answer the question.  
Is that what you are like in real life?

kork: I am glad to say no.  
My character role was rather strange indeed, but fascinating to say the least.

weeb: It does seem like some of the weirdness might have gotten brought over, but no, he's not a serial killer in real life.

horny jail: yeah, you were clearly into some wild shit.  
something that not even i’d wanna do.

pisslord: and you have a *very* open mind

horny jail: damn right i do!  
HEY WAIT

thottimus prime: I couldn’t help but notice Hoshi has been here the entire time, but not saying anything.

shortstack: ya.  
cuz ppl already forget about me as is.

thot destroyer 3: lil homie just too good for all of us. i don’t blame him for leaving us on read.

shortstack: call my number and i’ll just watch it ring out

emo boy: honestly?  
mood

weeb: Never thought I'd see the day of Saihara saying that. 

thot destroyer 3: alright, well who knows when i'll post again.  
the bullshittery shall continue, but who knows when. 

billy joel: What?

thot destroyer 3: that's it. see ya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember that you can make a request for something if you want :))  
> if it's just a class interacting with some sorta topic, or y/n and a character, or even a ship, i can do it :)))  
> *just no outright smut tho*


	4. (79) shuichi’s missing hat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone stole shuichi’s hat and now he’s sad. who dunnit?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a request for BearStrike.
> 
> ——
> 
> Sorry if there’s a megaton of mistakes. I wrote this at 1am lol
> 
> ——
> 
> Ok so I know Miu is not shipped with Shuichi as often as other characters but I’m pretty sure she ends up liking him if you do all her FTEs. So she likes him here as well lmao.

emo: i feel...  
naked.  
without it...

billy joel: Shuichi, you’re being all cryptic again.  
What’s the problem?

emo: someone stole my hat

billy joel: Really?  
Why would someone do that?

thicctaro: there could be a lot of reasons actually.

emo: some detective i am if i can’t even figure out who stole my hat..

thicctaro: could be a bad prank.  
you misplaced it.  
it’s on your head you forgot.

emo: that happened once :(

thot destroyer 3: uh oh is the hat missing

billy joel: Yep.

thot destroyer 3: now his secret protagonist role has been blown :O

emo: ?

thot destroyer 3: nvm  
have you asked around if you took it off somewhere or smth?

emo: no, because i almost never take off my hat.  
i took it off to have a shower for 10 minutes and then someone breaks into my dorm and nabs my poor hat.

thot destroyer 3: what monster would do such a thing??

thicctaro: definitely kokichi.

pisslord: oi what’s this of me now

billy joel: Shuichi’s hat has been stolen.  
Have you seen someone with it?

pisslord: oh  
nope

emo: are you sure you didn’t steal it again?

pisslord: yeah!  
i’m not lying for once!  
i stole it that one time and i felt bad after how sad you were without it!!

thot destroyer 3: press x to doubt

pisslord: oh shut up.  
actually, shumai  
i betcha that horn dog miu might’ve run off with it~

emo: why would iruma do that??

pisslord: ever since you spent some time with her, have you seen the way she looks at you?  
she’s a blushing mess around your emo ass.  
and that’s me being nice.

thot destroyer 3: you too lmao

thicctaro: what’s this now?

[private message between (Y/N) and Kokichi Ouma]

Kokichi Ouma: you shut your fuck before i shank you

(Y/N): i hit the nail on the head B)

read

[gifted juvenile losers]

horny: I F*CKIN WHAT NOW  
I DIDNT STEAL SHIT  
F*CK THIS CENSOR THINNG

emo: do you have my hat, iruma?

horny: HUH?  
ANZNHSNNNNOO I DING  
ODNT*  
SONT*  
DONT*  
F*CK ME SILLY FFS

pisslord: you want him to~~

horny: IM GONNA F*CKIN STRANGLE YA

thot destroyer 3: ahahahaa but you were the one that got strangled instead in the game

horny: SHUT THE F*CK UP F*CKSTICK

billy joel: Holy shit do you ever stop swearing?

horny: F*CK NO, TITLESS

billy joel: What was I expecting...

emo: i’m just gonna pretend like all of that didn’t happen.  
anyway

thicctaro: maybe @thottimus prime was interested in your hat

thottimus prime: What?  
Oh, Shuichi’s hat got stolen.  
I’m just scanning through the chat right now.  
MIU PLEASE DO NOT CURSE SO MUCH!

horny: GET OFF MY DICK ROBOT

thottimus prime: I’m not on such a thing!!  
Anyway.  
No, Shuichi, I don’t have your hat.  
Besides, I can’t exactly wear it because of my antenna.

emo: oh yeah, you would have skewered it otherwise..  
my poor hat...

thot destroyer 3: shuihat kebabs anyone?

thicctaro: also couldn’t help but notice that akamatsu hasn’t denied or confirmed that she stole the hat

billy joel: What?!  
Why would I steal Shuichi’s hat?!

thot destroyer 3: he’s got a point.  
you did wanna see what he looked like with out his hat.

billy joel: Rantaro could just have easily stolen it!?

thot destroyer 3: ohooo blame gameee

thicctaro: what makes you say that?

billy joel: Why am I suddenly the suspect??  
I’m saying you’re just as suspect as I am!

thicctaro: and what would my motives be?

thot destroyer 3: you didn’t get to see hatless shuichi with your own eyes i suppose.

thicctaro: i-

billy joel: See?  
You’ve got a potential motive too

emo: nnnnbbbnb this is just like the class trials..

thottimus prime: Are there any other suspects in the class?  
Anyone else who may harbour strong feelings toward Shuichi in varying ways, or just pranksters?

emo: s  
strong feelings??

pisslord: loves ya,  
hates ya,  
wants to punch ya,  
thirsty for ya,  
you know

emo: maybe i don’t want to know...

billy joel: Shuichi’s also pretty close with Maki and Kaito, but they’re not the types who would steal his hat. Kaito is more likely, but still probably wouldn’t.

thicctaro: gonta and ryoma just wouldn’t.  
korekiyo might’ve wanted to watch shuichi’s reaction...  
@kork would you steal shuichi’s hat to see his reaction?

thot destroyer 3: i summon thee @kork

kork: No.  
I’ve already seen his reaction when Ouma stole it previously. It was a tragically sweet occurrence to see his sadness.

thot destroyer 3: ok pack it up shakespeare.

kork: I think I shall just watch this unfold from afar...  
I am now intrigued by what sparked this question.

pisslord: oooh he lurkin

horny: no way in f*ck would kirumi steal it.

thot destroyer 3: but maybe she did  
if it needed cleaning?

mom: I can confidently say that I have not stolen Shuichi’s hat.  
I wouldn’t wash it unless he requested it of me.

thot destroyer 3: didn’t even need a summon. nice.

mom: If that is all that is needed of me, I shall return to making dinner.

pisslord: thanks mooom

billy joel: Also there’s really no reason that Himiko, Tenko, Tsumugi would steal it.  
What business do they have with Shuichi’s hat?

thicctaro: angie’s a little wonky sometimes, so she might’ve...  
@bob ross

bob ross: Yes yes?

emo: do you have my hat?

bob ross: Hmmm I do not believe so.  
I don’t see any hats in my art studio.  
Have you perhaps lost your hat?

emo: no, i never lose it  
it has to have been stolen

bob ross: Well I shall pray to Atua that you are reunited with your hat :)

emo: thanks..

thot destroyer 3: well that’s everyone i think.

pisslord: no it ain’t.

thot destroyer 3: what

pisslord: you haven’t said anything

thot destroyer 3: you dare accuse me??

pisslord: yep. 

billy joel: He’s actually right... 

thicctaro: oh shit yeah

horny: THE F*CKSTICK HAS IT

thottimus prime: Is this true?

pisslord: it’s gotta be!

thot destroyer 3: well you’re also the known liar in the class. it could very well be you with your special feelings

pisslord: SHUT UP

horny: IDK TITLESS IS KINDA SUS. SHES ALWAYS HANGING AROUND SHUICHI AND HOARDING HIM TO HERSELF

billy joel: I’m what?!  
You’re always all over him too! 

thottimus prime: I can corroborate Kaede’s claims.  
Miu does seem rather clingy to Shuichi recently.

thicctaro: well i can also agree with miu.  
i go to find kaede and she’s almost always with shuichi.

pisslord: IM TELLING YOU GUYS ITS GOTTA BE (Y/N)!!!

thot destroyer 3: ITS KOKICH  
HE’S DONE THIS BEFORE

emo: i’m this close to crying holy shit  
i just want my hat.

sushi: holy shit can you guys shut up  
i found your hat shuichi.

emo: really?!  
who had it?!

sushi: (y/n).  
they had it in their room.

emo: why would you do this (y/n)??

sushi: oh they’re not gonna talk.  
i knocked them out.  
they’ll be awake soon enough.

pisslord: I TOLD YOU ASSHATS

emo: sorry kokichi :,((

pisslord: ...  
you’re forgiven  
fuck the rest of you tho.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand it was (Y/N).  
> They woke up to a sore neck and found a pissed Kokichi at the end of their couch just about ready to stab them.  
> Also Shuichi was disappointed but not mad.  
> As for (Y/N)‘s motives for stealing Shuichi’s hat? They remain unknown (aka you decide)


	5. (77) the bath water chronicles: part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ppl wanna sell their bath water you capture a hajime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh this is just some shitposty thing i wanna have :)

[new chat, 4:13pm]

salt mine: it’s been bugging me for a bit now.  
why is nanami’s name on here bath water?

thot destroyer 2: because simps would kill to get their hands on gamer girl bath water

salt mine: i mean-  
ok then.  
has she ever actually sold it?

thot destroyer 2: what, do you wanna buy some lmao

salt mine: what?  
no i’m good.  
i was just wondering

bath water: nah, but i'm thinking i might do it if i wanna get a new triple a game.

salt mine: oh hi nanami  
do you have people that would buy your bath water?

bath water: oh yeah, a lot of them.  
most come from where y/n is though.

salt mine: …ah…

thot destroyer 2: damn, i should sell some bath water.

salt mine: why are you gonna do that?

thot destroyer 2: because why not?  
ooh i know  
i’m gonna open up a bath water store.  
buy the bath water of the ultimates.  
ULTIMATE BATH WATER

crackhead: oooh ibuki wants to sell her bath water!  
she has plenty of fans who would love to buy her water!!

thot destroyer 2: then join me on my quest and sell your bath water at my shop.

crackhead: okayyyy!! （＾Ｏ＾☆♪

bath water: i’m not surprised mioda wants to sell it honestly

food porn: YOURE SELLING BATH WATER????

thot destroyer 2: ye

food porn: LET ME IN ON IT  
I WANT TO SELL MINE TOO.

thot destroyer 2: ok just don’t serve us noodles cooked in your bath water or whatever.

food porn: ooo, not a bad idea~

salt mine: excuse me while i HURGGHHHHHHGGHH

bath water: a valid response.

thot destroyer 2: LAST CHANGE TO SIGN UP AND SELL YOUR BATH WATER THROUGH ME AS A PROVIDER

monster fucker: Perhaps I too shall sell my bath water.  
This sounds like fun :)

crackhead: OoOh ibuki wasn’t expecting sonia to sell her bath water :0000

simp: SONIA-SAN, YOURE GONNA  
W H A T

salt mine: soda why did you turn up right as nevermind entered the chat?

monster fucker: I think it'll be entertaining!

simp: OKAY YEAH BUT WHY??!?!!!!

bath water: lmao hajime got ignored

food porn: well we know who’s gonna buy all of nevermind’s bath water

thot destroyer 2: i’m gonna be making b a n k off this business  
half of proceeds to back to whoever had the bath.  
but i get half the money.  
i’ll handle all the other expenses.

crackhead: ibuki has an idea!  
we also get gundham, chiaki and hajime to sell their bath water!! (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

bath water: sure  
i wasn’t planning on doing it but i guess i can

crackhead: YAYYYY

bath water: wait why tanaka as well

not a furry: You wish to sell the fluids in which I bathe for monetary gain??  
How foul!

thot destroyer 2: sonia’s gonna do it.

not a furry: ...  
Your silver tongue has convinced me this one time, but NEVER AGAIN SHALL I FALL FOR YOUR CHARM.

bath water: ah that’s why.  
easy convincing.

monster fucker: Excellent :D

simp: BRUH HOW WAS THAT SO EASY

thot destroyer 2: aw he thinks i’m charming uwu

not a furry: In a way that a witch places a charm upon her victim!!

thot destroyer 2: i’m focusing on the positives in life, so i just heard that you think i’m charming :)))

simp: shut up no one thinks that

food porn: hinata’s been real quiet ever since mioda dropped his name

bath water: he’s trying to hide lol

thot destroyer 2: no being can be silent enough to escape my grasp

salt mine: I DONT WANNA SELL MY FUCKIJG BATH WATER  
THATS SO WEIRD

thot destroyer 2: the bath water of the ultimate hope.  
THE ULTIMATE ULTIMATE BATH WATER

salt mine: FUCKING STOP

simp: hajime bro you might wanna run.  
(y/n)‘s off like a madman and if you let them get you...  
you’re fucked

salt mine: ZNNJSK

crackhead: is hajime ok???

bath water: don’t think so.

salt mine: NNO

simp: i can see both of them rn.  
hajime just climbed out the window

food porn: wait what-

simp: SHIT (y/n)‘s spotted him climbing out

monster fucker: Goodness, are they okay on the outside of the building?

simp: fuck ok they’re both out  
they’ve dropped to the floor and (y/n) is chasing hajime

bath water: damn, (y/n) is like some sorta crazy boss level.

simp: aaand (y/n) just tackled hajime to the ground.  
they caught him.  
hajime is now being carried off like a dog under (y/n)‘s arm lmao  
fuck that was intense

crackhead: now ibuki is curious about how this is gonna go (*´◒`*)

bath water: me too...

—

Where this strength came from, not even you knew. When you were motivated to commit bullshit, you were motivated. It was certainly a strange sight to see Hajime getting hauled across campus under your arm like some sort of child being carried off.

He continued to wriggle around, but you managed to keep a strong grip around his waist with you carrying him sideways under your arm like a rolled up carpet. (Sorry for the weird analogy. I have no frickin idea how to describe it.) With you nearly back at your dorm, he’s just given up at this point. He knows it’s inevitable now. He may as well just sit there for a bit. He’ll get his revenge on you eventually. He’s just gotta plan it out is all.

You somehow managed to draw the bath with one arm still holding on to the guy that’s probably taller than you. The entire time he was just had his arms crossed. You chucked him into the bath when it was done and he just sat there all grumpy. Even with wet hair, his ahoge still didn’t lie flat. In fact, it looked angry at you almost. Like a knife. He would try and fight to get out, but you would just push him back down with his head. You were sitting in stone cold silence with a terrifying glint in your eye. Your determination for this was almost scary.

After a few minutes of what should have been sufficient marinating and constant questioning for when he can get out, you tried to release the soaked Hajime back into the wild. But he just stuck around waiting to dry with a towel on his head.

So now you were stuck with a spiky, drenched tsundere stuck in your dorm. In the mean time, you just collected up the bath water in a large bucket you had.

"Okay, you’re good. I won’t bug ya again for a while." You said as you turned out of the bathroom to find a drenched Hajime purposely lying flat out like a starfish on his back to make your bed soaked too. He craned his head up and stared at you with the same intensity you had earlier. To top it off he flipped you off. You nodded in understanding. This reaction was warranted, but this wasn’t his revenge yet.

—

thot destroyer 2: i have obtained the ultimate ultimate bath water.

salt mine: i hate you so much rn

thot destroyer 2: if you do then why are you still lying on my bed lol

simp: HUH?

salt mine: ffs don’t get the wrong idea. i’m still soaked and i’m just sitting on their bed to make it soaked as well.  
have fun sleeping in a cold and wet bed (y/n) 

thot destroyer 2: bitch

salt mine: no u

simp: oh  
BUT STILL  
YOU JUST GOT DUNKED INTO THEIR BATH  
ARE YOU GOOD?

salt mine: just a bit cold.

thot destroyer 2: there  
i threw another towel at him

salt mine: can confirm. bitch.

thot destroyer 2: uno reverse card

bath water: hey (y/n)  
when we’re done, should we just collect the water in some buckets?

thot destroyer 2: yeh  
i’ve got a bunch of jars that i’ll use to stick the water in to then sell it

crackhead: ibuki’s gonna do her’s later tonight (*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)

thot destroyer 2: also  
no communual baths.  
it’s gotta be your own.

monster fucker: Communal baths seem like such an interesting thing though!

not a furry: Perhaps another time, my cthulhu.

simp: WHAGZYXHJ

food porn: what sorta pet name is cthulhu??  
also i’m same.  
i’m doing mine later.  
(y/n) i’ll let you know when you can come by and collect the water~

thot destroyer 2: don’t add the tilda and make it weird.

crackhead: don’t worry, we’re all already beyond weird :)))))

bath water: hey uh  
soda’s past out on the ground.

salt mine: might wanna get tsumiki in there then.

thot destroyer 2: ok anyway  
have ur baths at some point today y’all  
i wanna get this business cracking

not a furry: How did you come into possession of this tremendous supply of jars anyway?

thot destroyer 2: that’s a story for another time (:  
JUST LIKE THIS PART


End file.
